Into the Gray

So I have decided to let my grays overtake my hair and its been a challenge to say the least.  Especially when you come across individuals who simply point out the obvious.  At what point did I ask for your opinion or do you think I didn't see my reflection in the mirror.  I am learning to embrace aging and by choosing not to dye my hair to met your standards or others doesn't mean I let myself go.  I'd admit growing it out doesn't look good just the way undone touch ups to processed hair does.  But none the less it's my head of hair and my choice on how I want to look until it all grows out.  So it brings me to this point of unwelcomed opinions or comments in which I was highly guilty of in the past.  I had no filter and often said what I thought with out really processing how it would effect the other person.  Being at home this past year has allowed me to reflect on me.  The things I love, the things I hate and the things I needed to do in order to change me.  I can honestly say that this process isn't easy but it was needed.  A lot has changed about me and how I view others.  You begin to see what truly matters. One of the main things I realized was that my emotional well being needed a lot of attention.  I needed to get perspective to my mental health and wellbeing.  It truly does play a big role in your over all health.  I didn't realized how stressed my body was until the very thing causing the stress was address, resolved or no longer of importance.  I learned not to give my attention to things out of my control and trust God in the process of it all.  I slept a lot and allowed my body to rest.  I read, I studied and I reflected on the things I needed to.  I am still in the process of getting my health in order but removing toxic elements is key to my success.  So not giving a dam about someone's unwelcomed opinion is my choice for peace in mine.    

I still remember that late morning in the kitchen floor with Nala and Toby.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude and peace for having you in my life.  I didn't realize until that moment how stressed I had been  the prior months prior leading to that moment due to finances and provision.  But after a email and a deposit to my account I knew that your hand had provided for my every need. Even after receiving a word of encouragement and a promise a few months prior I hadn't fully come to the understanding of what you were wanting to accomplish in my life.  I am still trying to figure it out and although they are moments I stray I am rerouted back to you.  My faith, trust and understanding of what lies ahead depends on which journey I am to embark.  It's easy to live life with out care or relationship with God.  It is a choice of will and that was giving freely by you for us to chose.  Most of my life I had wavered and sat at the crossroad trailing off the road less traveled and jumping into the highway of hell.  Life has had its fair share of goodness and bad moments but in the thick of it all you have always been there.  You have pulled me out of despaired moments, healed wounds of brokenness and allowed me to find a way to forgive those that took advantage and abused me.  It was a healing process and one that forgiveness allowed me to truly be free from the victim mentally.  Have there been times I question and get angry over a past unpleasant situation most defiantly but I have also learned that I am no longer in that moment in time.  I am not in that situation and I am not the same person.  I am stronger, more resilient and have found strength to overcome.  I am a warrior, a voice of understanding, and what lies ahead in my future is a pillar of hope for a brighter tomorrow.  It was in the silence, the struggle and the searching I found you.  When I reflect on it all there was never a moment where you were never present.  Sometimes we question why uncomfortable situation occur and what role you played.  It wasn't until I read Coming Down the Mountain that I understood.  Freewill has its perks and it also has its destructive tendency where innocent people get hurt. Some get so damaged that they seem to feel as if the circumstance has left them beyond repair and with out hope.  But until we realize who you are and where you stand can we heal.  Your word says "He heals the wounds of every shattered heart". 

The Journey is Just Beginning

It's ok to take a moment in time to sit, reevaluate, and reinvent oneself.  I have been on a journey and because of my fear of failure and insecurity I have seclude myself and stopped living. Having gone through a pandemic that closed us off from the world and daily activates along with some form of human contact for those of us who are single has in fact been difficult.  From the beginning of it in 2020 and going into 6 months of 2021 its been one hell of a journey.  The world stopped for a brief moment and what seemed normal no longer existed.  We became desensitized by the media, politicians and organization that were to keep us in a state of calmness only causing more chaos as society as we once knew it changed. I changed and so have many others close to me. What once was important and of value to me no longer was to be measured the same.  In the process I put my trust and faith in God. He has provided for each and everyone of my needs.  For a brief moment I lost myself to the point that a plan was in place but the execution was stopped.  Because for a moment I allowed the overwhelming voices in my mind to over take the truth of what truly was important.  Life was important but not just life; but living it to the fullest capacity.  Family, friends and relationships were also vital but the top of the list was appreciation for relationship and connection with my creator. The word of God says that the enemy comes like a thief in the night to come kill, steal and destroy.  I had to get prospective and be honest about my emotions then allow the truth to set in and to set me free.  That truth says I was created for more, that I have a purpose and plan to live out.  So here I am starting the journey with one step of faith to a brighter, bigger, future.  

Million Reasons

We can come up with a million reasons why we cannot accomplish certain goals or dreams in life. We think that certain things are unattainable and believe the lies we built in our minds. But just as those negative thoughts swirl in our minds we do have the ability to replace the negative chatter with positivity. Our cants will become I can, and I will. What is it that you want to change in your current situation? What goals and dreams do you want to see fulfilled? Let me encourage you that whatever it is that you are wanting to accomplish it can be. It will take work on your part, but I can guarantee that it will be worth it. I spent most of my life believing the negative chatter and although I had some level of success it took losing it to go back and evaluate what truly matters to me. Some may think it is the finer things in life but the truth for me it was God, family and friends. Those relationships needed to be mended and I needed to view life with an attitude of gratefulness and not entitlement. It was not the amount of money hitting my bank account that made me happy because the truth was that the more, I made the more I spent which equaled the less I had. I was reckless in all aspect and ungrateful for the blessings. So, in my current journey to greater I must work on me becoming that better person. Because when I get back to building on my success, I can help others reach theirs because I have learned how to attain mine. It takes work so back to the vision board I go.

Proverbs 8:14 TPT “you will find true success when you find me, for I have insight into wise plans that are designed just for you. I hold in my hands living understanding courage and strength.”

#Greater #Godisgood #author #onetruelove2020 #everyonehasastorytotel

My Dear Friend

 

My dear friend I can see you clearly walking into the kingdom courts of heaven.  Jesus is waiting for you with arms wide open.  All the pain, struggle of this world is left behind, and you truly can know rejoice with him in heaven.  Its us left behind that deal with the sadness but the one thing I have learned if you have a relationship with God its much easier to bear.  I am grateful today because I got to see your family, friends and acquaintances that got to truly know you.  You were someone who was able to bring a smile, give a hug and offer prayer. It is our faith and desire to share our stories that through Christ we were able to fully understand that we were no longer victims but victors. I believe that during the moments leading to your departure healing was being released.  Its never easy to fully understands the ways of God and why things happen as they do.  But I do know that when our time comes it is because he is ready to call us home.  I have spent these nights binge on Netflix, online dating and day sleep just to past that time.  I woke up asking God for direction and I have yet to see where the next chapter of my life begins.  I found my self angry and really could not comprehend the disappointment that I felt toward people.  The lack of understanding based on the opinion of others due to false information or a bad first impression.  We judge when we should just be as open and forgiving as Christ was.  He sat among the sinners and yet did not sin.  He judges not and that is because he is the ultimate judge.  He sacrificed and forgave us our sins.  It is his love the set us free, yet we sit in our homes in our mind passing judgment because we carry an offense.  Today I release those offense and ask for healing.  Not only healing for my self but for those who find themselves offend and on the defense.  I used to pride myself that I was strong and that I did not cry.  But what it really was that I was holding on to things when I should have just let them go.  There is nothing more evident in my life that allowing my self to be authentic, cry it out and get back up is the cycle of dealing with life’s blows.  Today, my friend I rejoice that you are home with our Abba Father.

Unfiltered

A lot of the things that come out of my mouth are unfiltered and raw.  I was always told in Spanish “Marissa no tiene pelos en la boca” meaning “Marissa doesn’t have hair in her mouth”.  Well that unfiltered mouth has spoken countless words that has brought offense.  Why do I bring this up?  Because we are living in a time that we are offended by every post or action that opposes ours.  We believe we have the right answer to every situation and yet we cannot even get our own lives in order.  I have spent these past few months dealing with my rampant emotions while trying to maintain a positive outlook in life.  I am in what I call a transition phase where I am moving into the next career and life decision for the future.  I have been given the opportunity to collectively dig deep into my past with out letting it to continue to affect my future.  I am learning from my past mistakes and dealing with my past hurts.  So, I can say that I am finally growing up and moving forward from the very things that have held me back.  That part of myself that I am letting the noise take a backseat as I move forward in a new direction.

In this process I have listened to several audiobooks which most suggest one dig deep, deal with the emotion, let it go; set goals, develop a routine and keep pushing.  So far Work it Out, 5 AM Club and Girl Wash Your Face have been where I started.  So here I am behind the computer laying it all out to help encourage you to watch your words, remove the offense and create the life you want to live.  In the process you will be the change that others hope to inspire to be.

Here are a few quoted to get you started:

“Live your life as the CEO of it! You are the only one responsible for your success or failure. Chose Success! -Unknown

“She listened to where God lead her and despite what conventional thinking said she trusted and went into uncertain spaces because the fruit of that uncertain tree is unbelievable better tasting.” Dave Hollis

“Find the truth that speaks in opposition to the lies.”-Unknown

“Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”  Psalms 34:8 NIV Bible

XOXO,

Marissa

Be the Change You Want to See

God spoke creation into existence and by his words we live.  Scripture says that words spoken bring life and death. So why was I accepting those negative words spoken over my life?  Why was I allowing them to shape who I was?  This was not the plan that God had for my life.  He did not want me to be dependent and effected by the words and labels many were placing upon me.  I am reminding of the famous words yelled in the playgrounds as bullies made up things then speaking ugly words of those they targeted as the others stood around laughing.  "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words had never hurt me" was the usual response of those who were bullied.  All the while somewhere down the line in life those words carried weight and whether it made one wounded it also made another one stronger.  Those memories are imbedded into a part of our lives that the circumstance of the experience left an impact.  Why was is it that as we move into adulthood the same bully tactics and negative words are spoken when we are threaten by others?  The result of those words impact those we speak negative about yet provides a false sense of security to the bully. Why is it that girlfriends betray those the claim to care for by commenting negative words behind ones back?  There is a lot to learn about the impact of our words and the weight they carry.  So, in this process of self-discovery of who I was called to be I must search deep and ask for forgiveness over those words, betrayals and bully tactics.  See I want to make a positive impact in the lives of those I encounter I want to demonstrate the love of God and all the promises he has.  Will you join me in walking out your own self-discovery, search deep and if change is needed make the adjustment?  I can guarantee you will feel better for it and the peace it brings is liberating.